Need sex. Gaining weight.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
