So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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