dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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