i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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