i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
