You can't special order awesome
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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