best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i think i have two assholes
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize