nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Randomize
