Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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