We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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