I must be too annoying 4 u.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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