# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
