Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Sorry about my life...
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
