mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize