what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Randomize
