If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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