Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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