obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
