who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
