...so i touched it.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
