So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
