shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize