I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I will be naked everywhere
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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