apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
