3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Never let your siblings swipe right.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
