sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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