on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
