Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Randomize
