I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
50% drunk capacity currently
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
