This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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