If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
