dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
