That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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