Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
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