You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
