my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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