I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize