So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
