My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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