batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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