do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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