I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
