all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize