I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
