She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
