That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
