Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
