its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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