I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Bring me that man meat
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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