did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize