yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
