I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
