Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
