i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
