That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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