Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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