may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
