he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
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