it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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