I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
