just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
