WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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