I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
