Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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