Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
