thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
