True but thats because hes a fetus.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
