WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize